Dealing with conflict - by Joel & Julia A'Belle 11/09/2010
How do I deal with conflict in my relationships? Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. We must avoid our conflicts becoming combat (hostile). We know we've reached combat zone when you become a 'fire hose' spraying words or a 'wall' with strong things to say then hide behind. - I am involved - It's about what I want - But I'm not getting what I want James 4:1-3 (TNIV) What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? [2] You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. [3] When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. (1) Agree to disagree, accept that others may have a different way of seeing things. Don't let the sun go down on your anger (combat). Acts 15:36-40 (TNIV) Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, "Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing." [37] Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, [38] but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. [39] They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, [40] but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. Paul was commended by the brothers by the grace of the Lord. We want God's blessing on both parties. Arguments aren't always about the topic, but about how we feel. (2) Think before you speak. Proverbs 10:19 (TNIV) Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues. Proverbs 18:2 (TNIV) Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. (3) How do you confront the conflict? Confront just means to turn my face toward. Matthew 18:15-17 (TNIV) "If a brother or sister sins, go and point out the fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. [16] But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that `every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' [17] If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. In any kind of conflict the objective is to win back the relationship with the person. Go privately (one on one), go quietly (with a third perspective), go submissively (with a church leader), go cautiously (go back on journey of trust again). (4) Pursue peace Romans 14:19 (TNIV) Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Jesus shows us the example by laying down his pride, stepping down from Godhood to live and die in our place, on our behalf, in order that we be reconciled to relationship with God. There's no power in pride, but there is power in humility. Pursue peace with God and with one another.
