just after watching an japanese animation called Brave story about a 11 years-old kid stepped on a jouney to change his destiny and realized he can never change destiny but instead he can embrace it and accept it. whenever there is a happiness, there is always unhappiness following afterwards. whenever there is love, there will also be hatred. because you have experienced sunshine, this is why u know about darkness. because u have seen beautiful, that is why something is ugly. two sides of sword is the unchangable rule so in order to embrace happiness, you must also accept unhappiness.
both of us believe in karma but it is really silly to believe you are paying for the bill of your betray even there is always a consequence we must confront for every choice we take. but no one can be in good luck all the time as you said shit happen, so get over it.you can neer take all the happiness yourself, something bad may happen sooner or later..even you don;t believe in destiny but you can;t deny we are living on it and it is not changable but can be learnt to adopt it. it is none of your fault for bad thing cos on the other side of happiness, there is unhappiness.
i am not so sure why i am going on and on about those when i know you don;t believe it anyway. but anyway my point is stop blaming yourself and please take whatever will hit you bravely. if all those stuffs are too much for you, then i am sorry for showing up in your life and interfere your comfortable life. take care and wish all the best to you
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