choice of life

There are so many things going on in my life and suddenly i am feeling lost where exactly i want to end my life. Andy is going to run his own business and invites me to join him..that means i have to drop out all my travel plan and expose myself to a new world i have been choosing to escape. earlier he and the other partner were in the lobby discussing about the plan and have also brought out their experience with dealing with european distributors. all those prostitution and fucking things were so over my top that i am starting to doubt if there is really something called true love and humiliation. i am not so sure why there are so many asia girls will go for guys who simply just happened to born with foreign looks? am i becoming one of those girls who is proud of dating with foreigners..i shall never be and can;t be but am i begining to be? consciously i am sure myself fuck up all those bastards playing among taiwanese girls but how about subconsciously? are i attracted by your foreign look? i shall have been used to foreign looks ..foreigner is one of those populations in the world,isn;t it? all those prostitution fucking things have been haunting me as well and i am getting to lose my faith in relationship and also in my job. being a sales in IT industry seems to be none-turning path in my life, through this job i will discover the deepest and darkest of human beings and perhapes make myself a big fortune in early age but is it really what i want for my life? haven;t i always dreaming of having a piece of land with lots of dogs and animal and lying aside to my lover and family? do i really need that much money to do so? can i not choose to be always innocent and pure? i really don;t know